Episode 5

MUSIC: “Our Story begins”

SORCERESS: When last we left the Unliklies, they had freed me and I told them that if Dr. Claw is able to successfully unite the powers of Grayskull and Mumm-Ra’s pyramid, that he will become a god and consume the entire planet of Eternia, and us with it.  They must find another way into the Castle, and I believe that the information required is close at hand.

(short interlude – “Our story begins”)

(crossfade music to:)

MUSIC: “Mystic Grounds”

LARRY: That thing is ugly.  Are you sure it’s a good idea to talk to the Demon Face of Snake Mountain?  I mean, it is a demon after all.  God tells us to have nothing to do with demons.

ORKO: (gulp) Yeah, I’m a little worried too, guys.  Maybe we should be going.

KWAZZI: No, mateys, we’ve come this far.  We press on. (then) Who wants to talk to it?

LARRY: Not me.  I’m praying for forgiveness for just looking at it.

DALE: Orko’s the leader.  I nominate him.

ORKO: No way!  I’m not talking to that thing.

CHIP: Okay, I’m the atheist.  I have nothing to lose. (louder) Demon Face of Snake Mountain… I call upon thee!

DEMON FACE: Who disturbs my slumber?

DALE: (whispers) You wanna bonk him on the head and tell him that isn’t his catchphrase, Chip?

CHIP: (whispers) Shut up, stupid! (then to demon face) Oh mighty Demon Face, the Sorceress of Grayskull told us you know of another way into Grayskull… a key?

DEMON FACE: A key to Castle Grayskull… yes.  There was a key, besides the two halves of the Power Sword, that opened a secret passage on the east wall.

CHIP: Where is it now?

DEMON FACE: In the Eternian Swamps, sought by a bounty hunter named Karak Nul.

CHIP: Who is… Karak Nul?

DEMON FACE: I cannot see his present… or his future.  That can mean only that he is no more, lost to the swamps.

CHIP: That’s comforting.

ORKO: Okay, guys, let’s do it…

SOUND: Orko’s Magic Working

SOUND: Space Portal Opens

KWAZZI: I’m game.

SOUND: Entering Space Portal

(fade out music)

LARRY: You ready, Chip?

CHIP: Larry… tell me about God.  I think if Dr. Claw can become like him, I want to know what I’m up against.

LARRY: God is wonderful, Chip.  He loves us so much, that while we were sinners, he sent his only Son Jesus to die on the cross in our place, to take the punishment that was ours, so that we could live eternally with him.

CHIP: He could just… let us die?

LARRY: Yep.  And he’d be just to do so.  But he didn’t. (then) Dr. Claw wouldn’t do that.

CHIP: No, no he won’t.

ORKO (echo): C’mon, guys!!  I can’t hold it open forever.

LARRY: Do you believe, Chip?

CHIP: Doesn’t seem like I have a choice right now. (then) Yes, I do.

LARRY: Congratulations…

SOUND: Bonk!

LARRY: What was that for?

CHIP: You were going to say that I just took my first step into a larger world and that is not your catchphrase.

LARRY: You caught me.  Now c’mon, my new Brother in Christ, let’s get dangerous!

SOUND: ENTERING SPACE PORTAL

CHIP: He moved to fast. (calling) I owe you a bonk!

SOUND: ENTERING SPACE PORTAL

SOUND: Swamp soundscape

SOUND: SPACE PORTAL OPENS

SOUND: Exit Space Portal

ORKO: Here we are: the Eternian Swamps!

SOUND: EXIT SPACE PORTAL

KWAZZI: Blimey!  It’s… it’s…

CHIP: … so deep I think we might drown!

DALE: Yeah… and it’s gross…

SOUND: Squishy Footsteps

(continue under dialogue)

KWAZZI: C’mon, mates!  Let’s go this way.

(fade kwazzi into distance)

LARRY: This place smells like a sewer.

MIKEY: I was about to say it smells like home.

LARRY: That’s really disturbing.

KWAZZI: Isn’t this the place that one horse sank?

ORKO: Okay, guys, how are we going to find this bounty hunter?

CHIP: No idea.

DALE: I got nothing.

MIKEY: (calling out) KARAK NUL!

LARRY: There is no way that’s gonna work…

SCAREGLOW: Michaelangelo!

LARRY: You have got to be kidding me.

(stop footsteps)

ORKO: (excited) Look!

KWAZZI: I don’t believe it…

DALE: Chip!  Look!

CHIP: I see it…

DALE: It’s a ghost…  it’s a skeleton ghost…

LARRY: With a purple cape.

CHIP: Let’s pray…

SCAREGLOW: I am… I was… Karak Nul, the bounty hunter seeking the key to Castle Grayskull.

LARRY: No way this shoulda worked.

SOUND: Slap

CHIP: How did you block me?  You have no hands!

LARRY: That wasn’t a catchphrase, it was a movie quote.  So don’t bonk me.

CHIP: Seriously… you have no hands.

SCAREGLOW: You seek the key I now possess in death, so that you may use it to enter the Castle.

ORKO: Yes, Karak —

SCAREGLOW: That name no longer holds any meaning for me.  I am now known as Scareglow.

ORKO: Scareglow… We ask you to give the key to us.  Please!

(dramatic pause)

SCAREGLOW: No…

MUSIC: “Mortal Kombat”

SOUND: Draws Sword

SCAREGLOW: … I will fight you for the key!  I lost my very life to possess this key, and I’ll not surrender it willingly!

SOUND: Nunchukus Whirling

(continue under dialogue)

MIKEY: I got this, guys.

SOUND: Chain Snap

SOUND: Body Splashes in Mud

MIKEY: Ow!!!

SOUND: Sword Swing

VOICE: Groan

SCAREGLOW: Next?

CHIP: Dale, you go up that tree, I’ll go up this tree!

SOUND: ORKO’S MAGIC WORKING

ORKO: Fipple, fupple, cripple, kay… Dull the keen of his blade!

SOUND: Magic Poof!

SCAREGLOW: Eh?

DALE: Are you thinking…?

CHIP: Plan 32(c).  Go!

SOUND: Small, Rapid Footfalls on Swamp

(fade quickly away)

SOUND: SWORD SWING

SOUND: SWORD SWING

VOICE: Scareglow Laughs

SOUND: SWORD SWING

LARRY: Um… I think you made his blade bigger and sharper.

SCAREGLOW: The keenest weapon I have wielded yet!

KWAZZI: Oh, this can’t be good!

SOUND: SWORD SWING

KWAZZI: Watch it, there!

SOUND: SWORD SWING

LARRY: Hey, that almost hit me!

VOICE: SCAREGLOW LAUGHS

SCAREGLOW: You will all fall to the blade of Scare —

SOUND: Pelted with Acorns

SCAREGLOW: Ow!  What!? (furiously) Acorns!?

CHIP: Take that!

SOUND: PELTED WITH ACORNS

DALE: And that and that and that!

SOUND: PELTED WITH ACORNS

SOUND: PELTED WITH ACORNS

SCAREGLOW: Okay, stop! Stop! Stop! (then) I surrender.  You can have the key!

(crossfade music to:)

MUSIC: “Ryno’s Theme”

ORKO: Where is it?

SCAREGLOW: Look, over at that tree…

SOUND: Legend of Zelda Key Jingle

ORKO: Okay, guys, let’s get it and get to Grayskull!

SOUND: ORKO’S MAGIC WORKING

SOUND: SPACE PORTAL OPENS

KWAZZI: I’ve ‘ad enough o’ this place, mateys!

SOUND: ENTERING SPACE PORTAL

CHIP: Yeah, let’s get out of here!

SOUND: ENTERING SPACE PORTAL

(fade out music & Sfx)

MUSIC: “Castle Grayskull”

(let the music play for a few seconds)

ORKO: We have to find a keyhole somewhere.

SOUND: ROCKS SHUFFLE

CHIP: I think I found it!

KWAZZI: Aye, that looks like a keyhole ‘a me!

ORKO: Okay, let’s try it!

SOUND: Insert & Turn Key

ORKO: It fits!

SOUND: Door Creaks Open

ORKO: Wow… a hidden door in the side of Castle Grayskull… (on radio) Who knew?

DR. CLAW: Who, indeed, you troublesome Trollan.  Beast Man!

BEAST MAN: Yes, Dr. Claw?

DR. CLAW: See to it that our guests do not make any trouble for us.

BEAST MAN: Yes, Dr. Claw!

SOUND: footsteps away

(fade out music & SFX)

MUSIC: “Skeletor’s Theme”

SKELETOR: I must escape this dungeon!  But how?

SOUND: Footsteps Approach

SKELETOR: Who’s there?

ORKO: Us.

SKELETOR: Ah, if it isn’t the Unliklies.  Come to gloat, did you?

KWAZZI: Actually…

SKELETOR: It doesn’t matter!  Soon, Dr. Claw will be attuned to the magic of Castle Grayskull and there’s nothing anyone can do to stop him.

ORKO: Skeletor, we came to free you.  There is something we can do!

BEAST MAN: Halt!

KWAZZI: Oh, great… it’s something hairy and ugly.

BEAST MAN: You’re under arrest.

CHIP: Hey, watch where you’re pointing that goat-skull-head thingie.

DALE: Yeah, you could put someone’s eye out with it!

SOUND: BONK!

DALE: Hey!

CHIP: That’s not your catchphrase!

SKELETOR: No, little chipmunk, I want him to point that at us.

SOUND: Magic Working

BEAST MAN: Hey!

SOUND: Skeletor Catches Havoc Staff

SKELETOR: You fool, Beast Man!  You shouldn’t have brought this within 100 yards of me.

SOUND: Magic Zap

SKELETOR: I’m free!

SOUND: Cell Door Opening

SKELETOR: Now, would you care to come closer and gloat again?

BEAST MAN: Nooooooo!

SOUND: Footsteps Run Away

ORKO: C’mon, let’s get back to Snake Mountain. (fade away) The exit is this way!!

(fade out music & sfx)

MUSIC: “Snake Mountain”

(allow a few seconds interlude)

SORCERESS: The Unliklies return from their recent adventure…

SOUND: SPACE PORTAL OPENS

SOUND: EXIT SPACE PORTAL

ORKO: We’ve returned…

SOUND: EXIT SPACE PORTAL

ORKO: With Skeletor.

SKELETOR: Yes, Sorceress, it appears your ragtag group of unlikely heroes has succeeded in freeing me from Castle Grayskull’s dungeons.  But to what purpose, may I ask?

SOUND: SPACE PORTAL CLOSES

SORCERESS: Skeletor, you don’t understand what’s at stake here.  Dr. Claw means to align two Centers of the Universe.  He’ll become a god, but he’ll consume our planet and all in it in the process.

SKELETOR: Even I wouldn’t…

SORCERESS: I know.  That is why you must help us dethrone Dr. Claw and prevent him from carrying out his insidious plan.

SKELETOR: I don’t know…

SORCERESS: If you do not, then you are doomed along with Eternia.

SKELETOR: Well… (then) Oh, blast! (then) When you put it that way, it doesn’t seem like I have much of a choice.

KWAZZI: Then Skeletor joins the Unliklies!

SKELETOR: Yes, Skeletor joins the Unliklies.

SORCERESS: And becomes the unlikeliest hero of them all…

(cut music to:)

MUSIC: “He-man’s Theme”

SORCERESS: “The Unliklies” was written and produced by Cory Tucholski.  Jody Tucholski provided the voice of the Sorceress.  All other voices provided by Cory Tucholski.  Music from Filmation’s “He-man and the Masters of the Universe” composed by Haim Saban and Shuki Levy.  Additional music by Kevin MacLeod of Incompetech.com, appearing under a Creative Commons 3.0 attribution & share alike license.  Sound effects available on freesound.org, also under a Creative Commons license.  This audio drama is distributed under the same license; for more information visit creativecommons.org.  Thank you for listening!  We hope to see you next time.

(PLAY OUT THE FINAL “He! Man!”)