Episode 3

(Play the pre-recorded Intro)

Narrator: In our last episode, Professor von Drake, Minnie Mouse, and we presume some others were holed up in the Clubhouse as Marvin the Martian descended upon it.  Marvin is soon joined by a flotilla of Star Destroyers under the command of Darth Goofus.

Von Drake: Oh, dear!  A blockade!  What are we going to do, now?

Minnie: We need help, Professor!

Von Drake: This is truly an emergency.  So I will use the Cheese Phone!

SOUND: Rotary Phone Dialing

Von Drake: Hello?

SOUND: Busy Signal

(play under…)

SOUND: Tapping Receiver

Von Drake: Hello?  Hello?  Hello?

(no more phone sounds)

Von Drake: Well, cutting off communications can only mean one thing.  Invasion.  We need a Mousketool to help defend ourselves!  Everybody say, “Oh Toodles!”

VOICE: All Say “Oh Toodles!”

MUSIC: Toodle’s Theme

Von Drake: Let’s see, we have bunny slippers, a giant bubble wand, a paper clip, and the Mystery Mouseketool. (then) Well, a paper clip won’t help us.

Minnie: Bunny slipers are less than useless.

Von Drake: Bet we can use that bubble wand to blow a bubble over the Clubhouse like a force field, don’t ch’ya know. (then) Let’s try it!  We’ve got ears, say Cheers! (pause) Okay, let’s blow the bubble!

SOUND: Bubble inflating

Von Drake: We did it!  Let’s hope that holds.

SOUND: Star Destroyer Soundscape

(Continue to play under dialogue)

Officer #2: My Lord, the fleet has moved out of lightspeed.  Comscan has detected a soapy field of some sort around the Clubhouse.

Goofy: Well, they must have used a Mouseka-mizzit, uh, a Mouska-diddly… no, a Mousketool to generate a force field.

Officer #2: Marvin the Martian gave them an ultimatum after a single warning shot, sir.

Goofy: Then he’s as clumsy as he is stupid.  Prepare your troops for a ground assault.

Officer #2: Yes, sir.

SOUND: Footsteps on Metal

(fade away)

SOUND: Static

(play under marvin)

Marvin: (on radio) Ah, Darth Goofus.  I am preparing to —

VOICE: Choking

Goofy: You have failed me for the last time, Marvin. (short pause) Captian Piett!

Piett: (on radio) My Lord?

Goofy: Make ready to land our troops beyond their bubble and deploy the fleet so nothing gets off the system.  You are in command now, Admiral Piett!

SOUND: Body Hits Floor

Piett: Thank you, my Lord!

(fade out star destroyer soundscape)

SOUND: Rocketship Soundscape

Narrator: Meanwhile, Mickey Mouse nears the swamp world of Dagobah in search of the great Jedi Master, Yoda.  Mickey will have to learn the ways of the Force if he is to defeat Darth Goofus.

Computer: Approaching Dagobah System now.  Scan detects plentiful lifeforms and a breathable atmosphere.  No settlements detected.

Mickey: Okay, Mal, bring us in close.

SOUND: Rocket Flyby

Mickey: There.  Land us there.

Computer: I detect nothing of interest in this quadrant of the planet.

Mickey: It’s a feeling I have.  Like I’ve taken my first step into a larger world.

Computer: Compliance.  Landing in delta quadrant.

SOUND: Rocket Lands

SOUND: Airlock

(fade out rocket soundscape)

SOUND: Swamp Soundscape

(Continue under dialogue)


Mickey: Wow … What an interesting smell I’ve discovered.

SOUND: Footsteps in Mud

(Continue under dialogue)

Mickey: Ugh… this place is disgusting. (pause) What kind of Jedi Master lives here? (pause) Seriously… this place is…

Yoda: Is what?

(Footsteps stop)

Mickey: Huh?  What? … Who… are you?

Yoda: Careful how you speak!  My home this is!

SOUND: Lightsaber Opens

SOUND: Lightsaber Hum

(continue until lightsaber closes)

Mickey: Stay back, you!

Yoda: Away put your weapon!  I mean you no harm!

SOUND: Lightsaber Swing

Mickey: I know how to use this.  I’m a great warrior!

Yoda: Wars not make one great.  Use that well, you think?

SOUND: Lightsaber Swing

Mickey: (unsure) Yeah…

Yoda: See we shall.

SOUND: Lightsaber Opens

Mickey: (not believing it) Yoda?

SOUND: Lightsaber Swing

Yoda: Come.  How well you wield it you will show.

SOUND: Lightsaber Clash

(several in a row)

Yoda: Good you are.

SOUND: Lightsaber Close

(two overlap … stop hum)

Yoda: But powerful enough to stop Darth Goofus, you are not.

Mickey: I need your help, Master Yoda.  I need to train to be a Jedi!

Yoda: To begin the training, to old you are.

Mickey: But Master Yoda, Goofy is my friend.  I don’t know why he’s become so bitter.  He was a great friend.  I have to help him.

Yoda: So to destroy him you do not want?

Mickey: No.  I want to help him.

Yoda: Help you I will if helping Goofy is your goal.

(fade out swamp soundscape)

Sound: Battle

(play in foreground, then fade to background)

Goofy: A-yuk! (mutters) Stop it, stop it. (normal) You are all my prisoners!

Minnie: Goofy!  Why are you doing this?  We’re your friends!

Goofy: That’s what Mickey said.  But you guys always made fun of me! (then) Take them away!  Put them in the Clubhouse Dungeon.

Von Drake: Wait a minute now… we don’t have battle stations but we have a dungeon?

SOUND: Jolt with a Cattleprod

Von Drake: (gradually fade away) Okay!  I get it!  I’m moving down these stairs here.


Goofy: Hail Dr. Claw on the radio.

Officer #2: Yes, sir.


Goofy: The Clubhouse is ours, Master.

Dr. Claw: Excellent, Lord Goofus.  Now we need the mouse.

Goofy: He isn’t here, Master.  How will we find him?

Dr. Claw: We don’t have to.  We shall bring him to us.

(Dr. Claw and Goofy both laugh, and it gradually fades out.)

SOUND: Swamp Soundscape

Yoda: If seek to help Darth Goofus you do, then master the Force you must.

Mickey: What is the Force, Master Yoda?

Yoda: A mighty ally the Force is.  Surrounds us it does.  Penetrates us it does.  Binds every living thing to every other it does.  Quiet your mind you must, and learn its ways you will.

Mickey: Is that how Goofy does what he does?

Yoda: Yes.  Trapped by the dark side is Goofy.  Lies and mistrust are his ways now.  Rest now, young padawan.  Training begins tomorrow.

(soundscape fades out)

SOUND: Swamp Soundscape

SOUND: Rocket Sinks

Mickey: Oh, no!  My ship!  It sank!

Yoda: Your first test this is.

Mickey: Test?  Master Yoda, how am I going to get back home?  How can I help Goofy when I’m stuck here?

Yoda: Raise the ship from the swamp.  Use the Force you can.

Mickey: But this is different than lifting rocks.

Yoda: No, no different.  Different only in your mind.

Mickey: I’ll use a Mouseketool to help me!  Everybody say, OH TOODLES!


Mickey: Well, I don’t see that a paperclip or a pair of bunny slippers would be much help.  So let’s use the Mystery Mousketool.  Everybody say MYSTERY MOUSKETOOL. (pause) What’s today’s Mystery Mousketool? (pause) It’s… ME?

Yoda: Of course.  Too much on Mouseketools you rely.  On yourself, and on the Force, you must learn to depend if help Darth Goofus you will.

Mickey: Well, okay.  I’ll try.  We’ve got ears, say cheers!

Yoda: No.  Try not.  Do.  Or do not.  There is no try.

(Mickey grunting)

SOUND: Rumble

(Mickey grunting some more)

SOUND: Magical Lifting

Mickey: (struggling) I’m doing it… I’m doing it…

SOUND: Lifting out of Muck

Mickey: I did it!

Yoda: Yes.  Much better than a former student when to him the same thing happened.  Lift it he could not.

(Fade out Swamp Soundscape)


Mickey: Master Yoda, what is the dark side of the Force?

Yoda: Hmmm.  A Jedi uses the Force for strength, for balance.  Never to attack.  Anger.  Aggression.  Fear.  The dark side are they.

Mickey: How will I know the dark side?

Yoda: Listen deep within yourself.  Know you will.

(Fade out Swamp Soundscape)

SOUND: torture Chamber with Screams

(Play soundscape for a few seconds.  Fade it out as…)

SOUND: Cell Door Opens

(Minnie grunts)


SOUND: Cell Door Slams

Von Drake: Minnie!  Are you okay?

Minnie: (out of breath) They didn’t even ask me any questions… (then) No questions…

Von Drake: Hmmmm….  We are not the their targets.  We are being held for someone else’s benefit.


(Mickey wakes, as if from a nightmare)

Mickey: Minnie!  I’m coming Minnie!

SOUND: Running Through Swamp

(keep playing as…)

Mickey: Master Yoda! … Master Yoda! … Master Yoda!

(no more footsteps.)

Mickey: It’s Minnie.  Darth Goofus has her… I gotta go rescue her!

Yoda: Too dangerous this is.  Lured to the dark side you will be if go you do.

Mickey: So I’m supposed to leave Minnie to… to…

Yoda: If help Darth Goofus you want, then yes.  Leave Minnie to his wrath you will.


Mickey: (determined) No. (then) No, I won’t.  I have to help Minnie!


Yoda: Mind what you’ve learned; save you it can!


(Fade out swamp soundscape)


Mickey: Okay, Mal, lay in a course for the Clubhouse.

Computer: Calculating… Course laid in, Mickey.

Mickey: Blast off!

SOUND: Rocket Takes Off




Mickey: Wow… the Imperial Troops have blockaded the Clubhouse!  If I want to get in, I’m going to have to sneak by an awful lot of people.

Computer: Would a Mouseketool help you?

Mickey: Just what I was thinking!  Everybody say, OH TOODLES!


Mickey: Hmmm… I bet those bunny slippers are nice and quiet!  We’ve got ears, say cheers!  Open the door, Mal!

(fade out rocketship soundscape while…)



Mickey: (quietly) I just have to make it to the door without being seen.

SOUND: Walking Through Grass

Mickey: (quietly) Okay, Now I open the door, and…

SOUND: door opens

Mickey: (normal; dejected) Get caught.

Goofy: Those bunny slippers might have muffled your footsteps, but we saw the Clubhouse Rocket a light year away!  A-yuk.

SOUND: carbon freeze chamber soundscape

(play under dialogue)

Von Drake: All right, seriously.  There is a Carbon Freeze Chamber and a Clubhouse Dungeon, but no battle stations?  Who designed this?

All: You!

Von Drake: (embarrassed) Right, da professor did.

Goofy: Enough talk!  I am taking Mickey to Dr. Claw, my master.  We should carbon freeze him to make sure that he can’t escape!

Officer #2: Right, sir.  He will be quite well preserved if he survives the freezing process.

(fade this dialogue to background; return to foreground when von drake is done talking)

Goofy: A test, then?

Officer #2: Good idea, sir.  We test it on one to see if the real prize can survive.

Goofy: Then we test it on Minnie!

Officer #2: Yes, my Lord.

(this dialogue is in the foreground, over the previous dialogue)

Von Drake: (whisper) Right, then, here is what we’re gonna do.  Da professor is gonna try to escape and get everyone else free.  Then we make a run for it.  I need a Mouseketool.  Everybody say, OH TOODLES!


Von Drake: (whisper) Oooh!  Da paperclip will work!  We’ve picked all the Mouseketools we have!  Say SUPER CHEERS!

SOUND: Lock Picking

Officer #2: Bring the girl mouse forward.

Minnie: You’ll never get away with this!

Officer #2: They always say that, don’t they?

Goofy: A-yuk!  Freeze her.

(Minnie screams as…)

SOUND: Carbon Freezing

(Scream stops.)

Officer #2: The medical officer is giving the thumbs up, sir.

Goofy: That means she survived.

SOUND: Lock Opens

Von Drake: (whisper) I’m free!  Mickey!

SOUND: Lock Picking

Goofy: And I know just what to do with her.  Pete the Hutt collects weird things like Carbon Freezed Minnies.  Send Minnie to Pete!  Now, we freeze Mickey.

SOUND: Lock Opens

Mickey: No!

MUSIC: Duel of the Fates

SOUND: Lightsaber Opens

SOUND: Lightsaber Hum

(continue hum until lightsaber closes)

Goofy: A-yuk.

SOUND: Lightsaber Opens

Goofy: I see you’ve learned nothing.

Mickey: Professor!  Get everyone else out of here.  I’ll deal with Goofy!

SOUND: Lightsaber Swing

SOUND: Lightsaber Clash

(a few swing/clash, swing/clash combos)

Mickey: Goofy, you’ve got to stop this!

Goofy: NO!

SOUND: Lightsaber Swing

SOUND: Lightsaber Clash

Goofy: Not until I’ve taken revenge!

SOUND: Lightsaber Swing

Mickey: For what?  Goofy, what did we do to you?

Goofy: You… Uh, you…

Mickey: Goofy, Dr. Claw has turned you against us.

Goofy: NO!

SOUND: Lightsaber Swing

SOUND: Lightsaber Clash

(A few more combos under…)

Goofy: You’re trying to turn me back! … I wont’ let you.  This is who I am!

SOUND: Lightsaber Swing

SOUND: Lightsaber Clash

Mickey: He’s too powerful! I gotta go again!

SOUND: Running on Concrete

(fade Goofy’s next line out)

Goofy: Hey!  Come back and fight!  Mickey!  MICKEY!

(More running, then –)



Mickey: (out of breath) Professor?

Von Drake: We’re waiting for you now, Mickey don’ch’ya know?

Mickey: (out of breath) Thank goodness.  Okay, let’s take off for Pete the Hutt’s palace to rescue Minnie!


(play it under…)

Narrator: My, what a great episode!  Will Mickey rescue Minnie?  Will Darth Goofus realize he’s being a… well… GOOFUS and return to the loveable goof that we know he is?  The suspense is killing me so much that we can only do ONE MORE EPISODE!  If this story was split up into any more pieces I don’t think I could actually contain myself.  Tune in for the final installment of (echo) Darth Goofus!