Episode 2

(packaged audio of introduction)

SOUND: Footsteps on Concrete

(loop footsteps; stop whenever goofy speaks, then start again.)

Goofy: (distant) Where are you, Mickey?

Mickey: Oh dear… I thought that Goofy was stranded on this spooky old planet!  How was I supposed to know (imitate Adm. Akbar) it was a trap?? (clear throat; back to normal) Voice cracked.  I need some water.

SOUND: Crash

Goofy: (distant) I’ll find you!

Mickey: How was I supposed to know that he studied under some dark master to become a dark lord of the Sith?

SOUND: CRASH

Goofy: (distant) You can’t hide forever!

SOUND: CRASH

(Stop the footsteps on concrete here.)

Mickey: He’s right… I can’t hide forever.  We need a Mouseketool to help us!  Everybody say, “Oh, Toodles!”

VOICE: All saying “Oh Toodles!”

MUSIC: Toodles’s Theme

Mickey: All we have left is the Mystery Mouseketool… everybody say, “Mystery Mousketool!”

VOICE: All saying “Mystery Mousketool”

Mickey: What’s today’s Mystery Mouseketool? (pause) It’s a lightsaber!  Can a lightsaber help us defeat Darth Goofus? (then) You bet it can!  We’ve picked all our Mouseketools, say “Super Cheers!”

MUSIC: Duel of the Fates

(Continue under fight)

Mickey: Okay, Darth Goofus, if this is how you want it–

SOUND: Lightsaber Opening

SOUND: Lightsaber Hum

(Loop hum under dialogue.)

Mickey: –then come and get it!

Goofy: A-yuk! (grumbling) No!  Stupid!  Stop that!

SOUND: Lightsaber Opening

Goofy: You asked for it!

SOUND: lightsabers clashing

Goofy: All those years you laughed at me —

SOUND: Lightsabers Clashing

Goofy: — made fun of me!

SOUND: Lightsabers Clashing

VOICE: Grunting

(Ad lib Mickey and Goofy both straining, then play them together.)

SOUND: Lightsabers Clashing

Goofy: Thanks to my dark master, I get the last laugh!

SOUND: Lightsabers Clashing

Mickey: Goofy!  It’s me!  You’ve got to snap out of this!

SOUND: Lightsabers Clashing

Mickey: Come to your senses! (then) We’re … your … friends!!

Goofy: You never were my friends!

SOUND: Lightsabers Clashing

(several rapid-fire clashes.)

Goofy: Friends don’t laugh at friends!

Mickey: (aside) I’ve got to get out of here!

SOUND: Scraping

Mickey: One chance! (ad lib a good throw)

SOUND: Rock Clatters on Dirt

(very distant)

Goofy: What was that??

Mickey: Now!

SOUND: Running Feet

Goofy: (distant, shouting) Hey!  Come back here and fight me!

(end “Duel of the Fates”)

Mickey: (out of breath) The … ship …

SOUND: Footsteps on Metal

SOUND: Airlock

SOUND: Rocket Takes Off

SOUND: Interior Rocketship Soundscape

(Continue to play under scene)

SOUND: CRASH

Mickey: Uh-oh…

SOUND: CRASH

Mickey: I think we’re under attack.

SOUND: static

Mickey: Uh, I think that transmission is coming from that huge, triangle-shaped spaceship that’s attacking me.

SOUND: CRASH

Goofy: (Static-y) Surrender, Mickey!  My fleet has you completely surrounded!

Mickey: Never! (then) We need a Mousketool to get out of this predicament.  Everybody say, “Oh Toodles!”

VOICE: ALL SAYING “OH TOODLES!”

MUSIC: TOODLES’S THEME

Mickey: Well, this is embarrassing.  It appears as though I’ve used all of the Mousketools already. (then) Y’know, I’ve been relying on Toodles an awful lot lately.  It’s time I relied on my own smarts to get out of this … So what can I do to escape certain doom at the hands of an Imperial fleet of star cruisers?

Goofy: (on radio) Nothing.  Give up!

Mickey: No!  I will never give up … never surrender! (then) I got an idea!  Engage retrorockets!  Come about!  We’re going to ram them!

Goofy: (on radio) Ram us?

Mickey: Get rid of that transmission!

SOUND: Button Push

SOUND: STATIC

Mickey: Full speed ahead!

SOUND: Rocket Flies By

(End rocket soundscape)

MUSIC: imperial destroyer soundscape

(Continue playing under scene)

Officer: Captain Needa, we appear to have lost the rocket!

Needa: What do you mean?

Officer: He’s not on any of our radar systems.  He seems to have … disappeared.

Needa: That’s impossible!  There are no cloaking devices in the Disney Universe. (then) Nevertheless, it is my command, my responsibility.  I shall inform Lord Goofus in person.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS ON METAL

(Fade out gradually)

Officer: (aside) He’s not coming back.

Sound: Body hitting floor

VOICE: choking

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS ON METAL

(fading in)

Goofy: Apology accepted, Captain Needa.

(end footsteps)

Officer #2: Sir, Dr. Claw requests your presence at once.

Goofy: Of course.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS ON METAL

(two by two)

Goofy: I want you to calculate all possible destinations on Mickey’s last known trajectory.  I want Mickey Mouse, not excuses.

Officer #2: Yes sir.

(one set of footsteps breaks away; continue one set for a few seconds; stop.)

SOUND: sci-fi door whoosh

Goofy: What is thy bidding, my master?

Dr. Claw: Aaaah, Goofy, sit down.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS ON METAL

(just a few)

SOUND: SCI-FI DOOR WHOOSH

Dr. Claw: I sense a great disturbance in the Force.

Goofy: I felt it, too.

Dr. Claw: We must proceed with our master plan of taking the Clubhouse.  And to that end, we cannot allow Mickey Mouse to live.

Goofy: Yes, my lord.

Dr. Claw: Send the bounty hunters.

Goofy: I will send the greatest bounty hunter there is.  He will not fail us.  A-yuk!

Dr. Claw: I told you about that.

Goofy: Sorry, my lord.  Won’t happen again.

Dr. Claw: So you are sending Boba Fett to hunt down the mouse?

Goofy: No… better.  Marvin the Martian!

SOUND: facepalm

Dr. Claw: It’s MAD all over again.

(end imperial destroyer soundscape)

SOUND: INTERIOR ROCKETSHIP SOUNDSCAPE

(loop under dialogue)

Mickey: Well, it looks like hiding behind the command deck was a good idea.  They never saw me! (then) The fleet is breaking up.  All I have to do is wait for this destroyer to eject it’s garbage.

SOUND: ejecting garbage

Mickey: Now! (then) I just float away with the rest of the garbage.

(short silence, then:)

SOUND: ROCKET FLIES BY

Mickey: Back to the Clubhouse!

(interior rocketship soundscape fades away)

SOUND: alien rocketship soundscape

(loop under dialogue)

Marvin: There’s that Mickey Mouse earth creature.  I shall pursue it and find out where it’s going.  Lord Goofus will reward me well for this, yes?

(fade soundscape out as –)

SOUND: ROCKET FLIES BY

SOUND: command center soundscape

(loop under dialogue)

SOUND: rocket lands

SOUND: AIRLOCK

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS ON METAL

(play under dialogue)

Von Drake: Mickey! … uh … I don’t see Goofy.

Mickey: I’m afraid that Goofy has turned to the dark side.

Von Drake: Oh, my, so he’s become a Sith Lord?

Mickey: You know about that, Professor?

Von Drake: Well, of course I do.  The Professor knows almost everything, don’t you know? (then) The Force is a mysterious (awkward) force (normal) that binds every living thing to every other thing.  Use it to help others, that’s the light side.  Use it to help yourself, that’s the dark side.  Sith Lords use the dark side.

Mickey: Is Goofy lost?

Mickey: No, there’s good in him.  I can feel it.

Mickey: So what do I do, Professor?

SOUND: loud tinkering

(hold for a few seconds)

Von Drake: Well, as soon as I finish adjusting Mal, you are gonna blast off for Dagobah, the swamp world with a great Jedi master.  Tell him Ludwig says hello when you get there, would you?

Mickey: Great idea, Professor.  Meanwhile, I’m gonna go get some more Mouseketools.

(fade out soundscape)

(packaged audio of mouskedoer song)

Mickey: Bunny slippers… a Giant Bubble Wand… a Paper Clip… and the Mystery Mousketool (aside) That’s a surprise tool that can help us later.

(song ends)

Mickey: Now that we’ve got our new Mouseketools, let’s go meet this Jedi Master.  Then I will learn the ways of the Force and turn Darth Goofus back from the dark side!

SOUND: COMMAND CENTER SOUNDSCAPE

Mickey: Okay, Professor, I’ve got some new Mousketools and I’m ready to meet this Jedi Master.

Von Drake: Right, then.  His name is Yoda and he isn’t gonna be what you expect he’s not. (laughs) So, I’ve made a couple of upgrades to Mal.

Mickey: Professor, that computer tried to kill me.

Von Drake: Right, but she was defending herself.  I’ve notched down her Self Preservation Matrix and uploaded the new star charts from Google Galaxy Maps.  Everything should be okay.

Mickey: Okay, Professor.

Computer: Mickey, I’m sorry I tried to cut your lifeline and cast you off into deep space.  I promise I won’t do it again.

Mickey: Okay, Mal.  We might have gotten off on the wrong foot.

Computer: Yeah, my bad.

SOUND: Seatbelt Click

VOICE: Pluto Barks

Mickey: Sorry, pal.  Not this time.  I have to Jedi training alone.

VOICE: Pluto Barks, Wimpers

Mickey: Ready, Professor!

SOUND: ROCKET TAKES OFF

(continue under dialogue)

Von Drake: Blast off then, why don’t ch’ya!

SOUND: CRASH

(random crashes under dialogue)

SOUND: Alarm

(continue under dialogue)

Minnie: Oh, Professor, Professor!  I think we’re under attack!

Von Drake: Right, I see that.  Everyone to battle stations!

Minnie: Professor, there are no battle stations.

Von Drake: There’s not?

Minnie: No.  This is the Clubhouse.

Von Drake: Right.

SOUND: STATIC

Von Drake: I think this incoming transmission might tell us something.

(no more crashes)

(Static fades)

Marvin: (on radio) Surrender, Earth creatures.  I have come for the one called Mickey Mouse.  Give him up, and I will let you all go free.

SOUND: laser beam fires

SOUND: explosion

Minnie: Why’s he shooting at us?

SOUND: crash

Von Drake: Martian Battle Rules, my dear.  First, he issues an ultimatum, then fires a warning shot, then we have a Galactic Standard Week to respond.

Minnie: How long is that?

Von Drake: One hour.

Minnie: And if we don’t respond?  Or can’t respond?

Marvin: Then your Clubhouse will be destroyed.  It’s nothing personal, so sorry and all.

Narrator: Well, this is an unfortunate turn of events!  The Clubhouse is under fire from Marvin the Martian and the one thing that would save them — Mickey Mouse himself — is unavailable!  What will our heroes do?  Tune in next time for another episode of (echo) Darth Goofus!!