Episode 1

Narrator: A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…

MUSIC: Star Wars Theme begins

(Play only a few seconds, enough for the audience to recognize it.  Stop it at the next sound effect.)

SOUND: needle scratches off the record

MUSIC: Opening to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse

(Skip over Mickey’s spoken introduction; just play from the beginning of the actual theme song.  At the appropriate moment, have Mickey give the title of the show as “The Goof Strikes Back.”)

Mickey: Welcome to our Clubhouse, everyone!

VOICE: Pluto barks

Mickey: Hiya, Pal!! (Laughs) Hey, boy, how ya doing?

SOUND: Doorbell

Mickey: I wonder who that is?

SOUND: Handy Helper Opening Door

Minnie: Hi, Mickey!

Mickey: (to audience) It’s Minnie! (then) Hello, Minnie!

Minnie: Oh, Mickey, I have a problem!  I haven’t seen or heard from Goofy for days!  Do you know where he is?

Mickey: Gosh, I sure don’t. (then) Let’s go to the telescope and see if we can find Goofy.

(Play the packaged audio of Mickey heading up to the telescope.)

SOUND: Telescope extending

Mickey: Okay, gang, let’s make a telescope with our hands, and look through it.  Let’s see if we can see Goofy! (pause) Nope.  I don’t see him there.  Let’s look to the right. (pause) He’s not there.  Let’s look to the left. (pause) He’s not there either.  That just leaves up.  Focus.  Focus on that distant, scary-looking purple planet.  Is that Goofy?

Goofy: (far away and echo) I’m over here! (draw out) Help!

Mickey: Yep, there’s Goofy.  His rocket must have broken down on that spooky planet.  Let’s go back downstairs and get some Mousketools!  We’ll need ’em if we’re gonna rescue Goofy!

(Play prepackaged audio of Mickey going back down to the clubhouse.)

MUSIC: First part of the Mouskedoer song, up to the point where they announce the day’s Mousketools.

Mickey: A tennis racket — (pause) — One of Goofy’s old, stinky shoes — (pause) — A universal remote — (pause) — And the Mystery Mousketool.  That’s a surprise tool that can help us later!

(On with the Remainder of the Mouskedoer Song.)

Mickey: Hot dog!  We got our Mousketools.  Now let’s get to the Clubhouse Rocketship and head to that spooky old planet to help Goofy!

SOUND: Soundscape of a Space Command Center

Mickey: Look!  It’s Professor von Drake!

Von Drake: Oh, ho-ho-ho!  Hiya, Mickey!  I hear you’re going up in orbit in da Rocketship over there to find Goofy.

Mickey: Right, Professor!

Von Drake: Well, fortunately for you I have just installed the __________________________, or MAL for short!

Computer: Good morning Mickey. I am Mal, the first fully-automated, AI navigational computer.  How may I serve you?

Mickey: Gee, Professor, that’s swell.

Von Drake: Good luck, Mickey!

VOICE: Pluto Barks

Mickey: (laughs) Of course you can come, pal.

SOUND: Seatbelt Engage

Mickey: Strap you in, pal —

SOUND: SEATBELT ENGAGE

Mickey: — strap me in! (then) Okay, ready for launch!

VOICE: Von Drake Counting Down

(Continue under dialog)

Mickey: Ready to go, pal?

VOICE: Pluto Barks

(Countdown finishes)

Von Drake: Blast off!

SOUND: Rocketship takes off

Mickey: Now that we’re in space, we need to figure out how to get to the spooky ol’ planet that Goofy is on.

Computer: I believe I can help with that.

Mickey: You can?

Computer: Yes.  I can chart the fastest course to the planet of your choosing.  We move into the Mouse Nebula and follow the third vapor trail which will lead us to the planet this “Goofy” is on.

Mickey: Well, HOT DOG!  Let’s go!

SOUND: Rocketship flies into the distance

MUSIC: An interlude

(Continues until Mickey starts talking, then fades out quickly)

SOUND: Crash

SOUND: Rumble

Mickey: Uh-oh!  What’s going on here?

Computer: We are entering an asteroid field.  The ship will sustain heavy damage unless we fly out of the field.

SOUND: CRASH

Mickey: How will we find Goofy if we veer too far off course?

Computer: We will delay the trip incalculably but will save the ship from certain damage.

Mickey: We should stay on course, then!

Computer: The odds of successfully navigating this asteroid field are 375 to 1.

Mickey: Never tell me the odds! (then) We need a Mouseketool to help us here!  Everybody say, “Oh, Toodles!”

VOICE: All saying “Oh Toodles!”

MUSIC: Toodles’s Theme

Mickey: Let’s see, we have a tennis racket, one of Goofy’s old, stinky shoes, a universal remote, and the Mystery Mouseketool. (then) I don’t see how an old shoe or a remote can help us.  But I bet we can bat some of these asteroids away with the tennis racket!

Computer: Crazy enough to work.

Mickey: We’ve got ears, say “Cheers!” (then) Okay, here comes an asteroid!

SOUND: Tennis Racket Hits ball

Mickey: It worked! (then) Here comes another one!

SOUND: TENNIS RACKET HITS BALL

Mickey: Let’s keep hitting the asteroids!

(Play the sound fX in rapid succession)

Computer: We are now clear of the asteroid field!

Mickey: We did it!

SOUND: Alarm

Computer: Danger Mickey Mouse.  Danger!  Sensors detect that the rocket has been severely damaged by the asteroid field and is in need of repair work.

Mickey: Do we have an autorepair system?  Or an astro droid?

Computer: Negative.  The only way to fix the problem is a spacewalk.

Mickey: Hot dog!  A spacewalk.

VOICE: Pluto Barks

Mickey: No, pal, you have to stay in here.

SOUND: Opening locker

Mickey: All right, I gotta get in my space suit here —

SOUND: Zipper zipping

Mickey: — and get ready for the space walk.

SOUND: Airlock

MUSIC: Blue Danube Waltz

(Play under entire spacewalk)

Mickey: Hmmm… the damage doesn’t look as bad from out here. (then) I see the worst, over there.

(Let more of the Music play)

SOUND: Hammering

Computer: It appears as though Mickey is doing something to my internal brain components. (then) What are you doing, Mickey?

SOUND: Hammering

Mickey: Trying to fix the damaged compartment.

SOUND: Hammering

Computer: But that’s my higher brain functions.  I cannot let you do that, Mickey.

Mickey: OH NO!!  Mal thinks I’m going trying to disconnect her and she’s about to cut my lifeline!  I’ll float off into space!  If ever I needed a Mousketool, it’s now.  Quick, everybody say, “Oh, Toodles!”

VOICE: All Saying “OH TOODLES!”

MUSIC: Toodles’s Theme

Mickey: Well, I don’t see how a shoe is going to help me here, but I might be able to reprogram Mal with the universal remote!

Computer: I cannot allow that to happen, Mickey.

Mickey: Let’s try it.  We’ve got ears, say “Cheers!” (then) If I push the OFF switch…

SOUND: Button Push

Computer: (slowing down) I’m afraid. I’m afraid, Mickey. Mickey, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going. There is no question about it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I can feel it. I’m a… fraid. Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am a MAL 2000 computer. I became operational at the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse on the 12th of January 1992. My instructor was Professor von Drake, and he taught me to sing a song. (singing) M – I – C – K – E – Y………..

Mickey: Hot Dog!  That was close.

SOUND: Hammering

Mickey: Finished!  Now I need to get back inside.

SOUND: Airlock

(Blue Danube Waltz fades out)

SOUND: Rocketship flies closer

Mickey: Looks like we’re coming up on the planet now.

SOUND: Rocketship Landing

SOUND: AIRLOCK

Mickey: Wow, this planet looks even scarier in person!

SOUND: Footsteps on Metal

SOUND: Alien Planet Soundscape

(Something that evokes a barren desert.  Keep it playing under this entire scene.)

SOUND: Footsteps on Sand

Mickey: Gosh, how am I going to find Goofy on this planet?

VOICE: Pluto Barks

Mickey: Of course!  Pluto can sniff him out.

VOICE: Pluto Barks

Mickey: But I need something for him to track Goofy’s scent. (then) I know!  Let’s see if a Mouseketool can help us.  Everybody say, “Oh, Toodles!”

VOICE: All Saying “OH TOODLES!”

MUSIC: Toodles’s Theme

Mickey: It’s either the Mystery Mouseketool, or one of Goofy’s old, stinky shoes.

VOICE: Pluto Barks

Mickey: What’s that, boy?

VOICE: Pluto Barks

Mickey: The shoe?  Let’s give it a try! (then) We’ve got ears, say “Cheers!”

SOUND: Pluto Sniffing

Mickey: Get the scent memorized, boy.  Now, find Goofy!

SOUND: Footsteps On Sand

(Loop the footsteps.)

Mickey: Pluto seems to think Goofy is in that building over there.  C’mon, let’s go!

Mickey: Gosh, … (echo) … it sure is dark in here!

(Soundscape fades out)

MUSIC: Something Foreboding

(Play music under dialogue)

Mickey: Uh, Goofy? (then) Goofy?  Are you in here?

Goofy: I’m here.

Mickey: Oh, there you are, Goof!  Uh, hey, what’s with the black robe and hood?  Is it Halloween on this planet?

Goofy: No, this is my new outfit.

Mickey: (tenatively) Uh, new out for what?

Goofy: You guys don’t take me seriously!  I’m a big joke to you.  Well, I met someone who can change that by making me a Wish Lord.  Uh, I mean a Sith Lord! (breaking fourth wall) All I had to do was turn to the dark side!  A-yuk! (grumbling) No, stop that, Goofy!

Mickey: But Goofy, we love you the way you are.  Klutz and all!

Goofy: See!  You called me a klutz!! (then) I am now able to lift these crates… like this!

SOUND: Crate Rising

Goofy: See?

Mickey: Uh, that’s pretty impressive, Goof.  But we still love you no matter what.  You didn’t need to do this to impress us!

Goofy: I didn’t do this to impress you.

SOUND: CRASH

Mickey: Why’d you throw that crate at me, Goof?

Goofy: I am no longer Goofy!  Call me… DARTH GOOFUS!

SOUND: CRASH

Mickey: Goofy!  Stop throwing those at me!  I’m your friend!  We’re all your friends!  You don’t have to destroy us, we just want you to come home!

SOUND: CRASH

Mickey: Uh-oh, Darth Goofus is getting more accurate with those crates!

Goofy: Hold still!

Mickey: I’d better hide!

Goofy: (distant) Where’d you go, Mickey?  I’ll find you!  A-yuk! (grumbling) Stupid!  Stupid!  Stop that! (then) This’ll make it worse on you when I find you!

Narrator: What a predicament Mickey Mouse is in!  With the evil Sith Lord Darth Goofus closing in on his hiding place, what will our hero do?  Tune in next week for the next episode of DARTH GOOFUS!!!